I Can’t Beat This Friggin’ Boss

As the end of my final semester of college approaches, naturally I was finding a way to procrastinate all of the many different assignments I have to do. Today’s distraction was my ongoing challenge playthrough of Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix. About a year ago, I started this playthrough on the hardest difficulty (called ‘critical mode’), and normally it is extremely challenging by itself.

However, because I am that perfect mixture of masochistic and tenacious, I decided that not only would I complete a playthrough on the hardest difficulty, but also complete that playthrough without gaining any in-game experience. You can equip the player character with an ability called ‘EXP Zero,’ which does exactly what it says. Throughout the entire quest, in a game where each enemy defeated grants the player experience and stat boosts, I would stay at level one.

I have slowly been chipping away at the game over the course of the year, and with about 30 hours invested, I beat the main story. This was not the end of the journey, however. If you are aware of this game, you may have seen some footage of the optional super bosses that populate the world after completing the story. One of these bosses has stood as a roadblock for many hours now, and its name is The Lingering Will.

This boss is INSANE. He is blazing fast, extremely deadly, and relentless. He never gives the player a chance to breathe, and any one mistake sends you straight to that continue screen that you have grown all too familiar with.

I have lost count of how many times I have hit that ghoulishly red continue button. Every single attempt is just another opportunity for The Lingering Will to finish his mosaic consisting of ways to kill you. (You can check his current mosaic down below if you are interested!) He is one heck of an artist too; he has such variety! He could just slash you with his giant sword, but sometimes he dabbles with vehicular manslaughter and impales you with his keyblade car at 10,000 miles an hour. Other times he’ll pull out a whip and retaliate incomprehensibly quickly or shoot spherical bullets the size of Jupiter that don’t disappear until they either hit you or him. He’s got a bow that locks your ability to attack and mini laser drones that pelter you while he continues on the offensive. He is a cheese grater, and you, my friend, are a delectable looking piece of cheese.

I wouldn’t have gotten to this point in the game if I wasn’t hopelessly optimistic though, so I know that I can eventually beat this empty husk. He might make a couple great salads out of me before then though.